The Future
I write this on a rather felicitous evening as Sophie and I have taken the first significant step in moving back to Utah. After over 3 years of metropolitan adventure, angst, and debauchery, we are ready for a change. Our plan is to move back to Utah and provide shelter to her mother for a quarter of the year. I'm not sure how long this regimen will last as she still has plans to go to law school.
Here is the best case scenario:
Sophie takes the LSAT, applies to the U of U and gets accepted for fall 2015 semester
Sophie fully commits to becoming a lawyer
We both move to Utah at the beginning of April and keep our jobs at Discover
We find an affordable two bedroom apartment in the city
I quit in June to complete my bike ride across the Pacific highway
Sophie starts school in August and drops to part time work at Discover
Reflecting upon this scenario, I think it very achievable and exciting. I have some trepidation, however, about Sophie's passion for law. I intuit that her desires and sense of fulfillment in life are incongruous with extensive hours, debt, paperwork and pandering to a firm's superfluous causes. She is a problem solver and a project manager. She excels in environments where she can direct the course of events. I would love to see her move into a role at an organization she admires and respects. I think that is where she belongs; a director or vice president overseeing an entire branch of a company she cherishes.
Looking in our immediate future again, my vision of our life when I return from my bike adventure is hazy and uncertain. Part of me wants to take the safe route and find a part time job to contribute to living expenses while devoting more time and energy into painting, composing, interviewing and innovating. The other part of me wants to fully commit to being unemployed and spending the rest of the year creating my own income. I think if I fully commit to marketing myself as an artist and musician, I could contribute a decent amount to our living expenses. Coupling my artistic creativity with generating revenue through ThisWisdomProject and marketing a fashionable facemask, I think it's plausible that I could create a self-sustaining, reliable form of income without having a 'job'. That is my goal. That's the future I want to have.
I am too creative to have a desk job. I need to surround myself with art and culture. I want to be a stand for self-expression and show the world that it's okay to put yourself out there and risk it all in order to live your life on your terms; not on the terms of some obscure executive figure. I do worry that Sophie will come to resent me, however, if my initial income from freelance work is minimal. I also worry that a lack of structure may throw me into a paralyzing spiral of laziness and fear. While I find the latter scenario unlikely, it still occupies a nominal amount of mental real estate.
I cannot speak to what the more distant future holds with anything more than wistful speculation, yet I'm satisfied with the uncertainty. This year has taught me how to seize the moment and live in the present. I have mastered appreciating life as it currently exists and creating the future that I want. While I know not where or how my life will unravel after my summer bike trip, I smile as I harness my inner fear and walk boldly forward into the foggy unknown that is my future. I glimpse Sophie's outstretched hand, beckoning me forward. I close my eyes and let my heart guide me. I know everything will be fine.
